Part of it is the fear of missing out.
I spent the early years of my professional career struggling to make friends. I worked long hours and then spent non-work time alone. I would chat with people on the Internet (thank God I had them), read, write, and watch lots of TV. But I didn't have a lot of social interaction. Now that I'm in a good place socially, I have a hard time turning down invitations for fear of missing something or even not being invited again if I say "no" one time.
Part of it is the fear of letting someone down.
I am a people pleaser. I want people to like me. I want to make them feel happy, loved, and appreciated. I want to be available to them when they need me. Sometimes this comes at my expense. I give up "me" time to help or be with someone else. And I need "me" time to maintain healthy emotions. Finding a balance is tough.
Part of it is feeling like I owe something to others.
When I have a legitimate excuse for declining something, it's hard enough. But when I don't have a legitimate excuse -- other than being tired or needing downtime -- it's nearly impossible. I have this need to justify saying "no" to others. It's silly, I know. But that's just how I feel.
I know I need to let go of these fears and feelings so I can begin to put myself first. With two jobs and a husband, I need to also make sure I'm finding time for me. That begins with saying "no" to things.
Does anyone else have this issue?
How do you learn to say "no"?
I think this is an innate thing. I used to be an extrovert, had FOMO, and never wanted to be at home. Around age 25, that shifted. I don't know that there's a whole lot you can do about it. I never had problems saying no, but now I'm an expert at it. I rarely enter a social situation without some sort of "out" planned. You sound a lot like my husband...I'm always explaining to him how he could get out of something if you wanted to. I even told him the baby was the perfect excuse! (bc none of his friends that we live near have kids).
ReplyDeleteBut anyway, I think it's innate and there's not much we can do to change it. It'd be nice to be somewhere in the middle.