Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Fun and heartbreak at the fair

I get the best and worst feelings each year at the Iowa State Fair. The best comes from the fried oreos, people watching, great shows and fantastic friends. The worst comes from seeing one of my old crushes. One who broke my heart quite effectively years ago. Every year, I see him there. I wish I was kidding, and I wish I could adequately explain how random this is.

Hundreds of thousands of people go to the fair every year, which means there are several thousand there each of the 10 days.  Yet for the third year in a row, I managed to run into Mr. Heartbreaker while I was on the fairgrounds. And it's not like I go the same day every year either.  So I guess the universe is just insistent on putting him in front of me year after year. And subsequently punching me in the gut.

Appropriately, every time I see him, I'm on my way out.  I'm usually smiling and chatting with my friends about what we saw and did that day.  My mood instantly changes when I see him. I feel a churning in my stomach. I forget and somewhat block out what my friends are saying.  It's almost like I instantly go back to those days of heartbreak.  No matter how many years pass, it still feels fresh.  And then for days after the sighting, I become reflective and irritable.  (I apologize now to my friends and co-workers who have to put up with me during this period of ....whatever it is.)

It's not like I still want him. I'm definitely not attracted to him anymore (in all honesty, I can't figure out why I ever was attracted to him).  I figured out long ago that I was lucky God chose not to answer those prayers.  We wouldn't have been right together, and I think I would have missed out on a lot of great things in my life now had a relationship with him happened. 

So I don't really know what this feeling is that hits me.  But I do wish it would stay away and quit ruining my remembrances of the fair. I'm not going to stop going for fear of seeing him, although that is a good idea. The fried oreos are just too tempting. I refuse to miss out on them because of some stupid boy.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Pin It button on image hover