Monday, November 15, 2010

30 Days of Truth -- Day 4: Forgiving You

Day 4:  Something you have to forgive someone for.

This list is probably much longer than I'd like it to be.  I'd like to say I forgive people easily, but as I started thinking about today's topic, I realized that wasn't true.  I could start singling out individual situations, but I'm not comfortable doing that. I am trying to be my genuine self in this blog, but I'm not about to air all my dirty laundry.  So, instead, my need to forgive encompasses many people, unnamed, but they will probably know who they are.

I need to forgive people for not mirroring my friendship behaviors.

As a true water sign, I am sensitive and sometimes (ok, almost all the time) emotional.  As an INFP, I always approach situations from the perspective of my feelings, and I have higher standards in terms of relationships than other people may have. In light of these characteristics, it's easy to see why I feel like a lot of friends have let me down. 

I have my ideal of how a friend should behave and regard me. My ideal friend is someone I can count on to pick me up when I'm down, slap me around (verbally, of course) when I need it and share in my joys and sorrows.  I believe a friend should always want the best for me and should make an effort to spend time with me.

I get very hurt when my friends don't meet these standards.  Naturally, I react very emotionally (another INFP trait); I'm not good with hard facts and logic.  Over time, I am able to rationalize and convince myself that just because someone isn't treating me the way I would treat them doesn't mean they care about me any less.  At least, I hope they don't.  As you can imagine, convincing myself of this is a very long and difficult process. Sometimes this process takes too long, and the friendship is lost or broken. 

Ultimately, I guess I need to stop expecting people to be the friend to me that I try to be to them. It's not realistic, and it's not fair. This doesn't mean I will stop wanting their friendship; I will simply attempt to appreciate it in whatever form it comes.

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