Thursday, December 22, 2011

The rules of attraction

Are the butterflies real? Does physical attraction have to be instantaneous or can it build over time?

I have been wondering a lot lately about this.  I even polled online friends (very scientific).  The responses were very interesting.  And very divided.  By gender.

Most of the men who responded said physical attraction happened very early for them.  Or it needs to happen early.  As one guy put it, "You can't catch a fish without a worm on the hook."  That was his analogy. He said he felt like he'd been slapped in the face when he first saw his now wife.  He wasn't sure her experience was the same though. Only one male respondent said physical attraction wasn't a huge deal because looks weren't even #1 or 2 in his hierarchy of attraction.

Hmm.  Interesting.

Conversely, almost all of the women responded that they weren't initially physically attracted to the men in their lives, but that eventually changed.  One said she didn't find her current husband "all that attractive at first. Now he's my super hot sexy baby."  Another said attraction came later for them as well, but they've been married "11 smoking years."

This didn't really surprise me all that much.  I've known for a long time that men are typically more visually driven than women.  This is not to say that looks don't matter to women, but usually, they're won over by an emotional or intellectual connection.  It's also important to note my belief that someone may be attractive, but that doesn't mean you're attracted to them.

Still, I wonder ... in looking for the combination of butterflies (physical attraction) and someone I relate to, have I missed out?  I began to wonder if I have put too many guys in the friend zone (or worse) too quickly.  I'm not going to dwell on that too much.  I trust in my instincts, and although it means I've been single for a long time, I'm OK in waiting for it to be "right."

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