Wednesday, March 12, 2014

The stages of dealing with rejection

Rejection is never easy.

Last week, I was effectively dismissed from something I thought had promise.  We had a lot in common.  I liked him. I thought he liked me.  Even though the guy made it clear he was cutting me loose because of things he needed to repair within himself, I still found a way to make it about me.  That's how I roll.

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The first few times I tried to explain to friends what had happened, it brought tears to my eyes.  I still had it in my head that if I'd been better in some way -- prettier, smarter, funnier, more interesting, etc. -- the guy's self-proclaimed issues wouldn't have been a problem.  Somehow, I believed that I just wasn't "enough." I also felt humiliated that I hadn't seen any signs of his disinterest earlier.  I should have gotten a clue from all the postponements and cancellations of dates.  But I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and not write him off for "silly little things" as some of my friends liked to call them.

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By about the the fifth explanation, I had moved beyond pain to anger.  How dare he lead me on for two months when he probably knew from the beginning that it wasn't happening?  If he wasn't ready for dating, why was he on a dating site?  And then he has the audacity to ask if we can still be friends?  No, I told him.  That's not what I signed on for.  I will not just be an option or a fallback.  I know a lot of people won't agree with me telling him we can't be friends and closing the door on him.  "He might come around someday."  You're right, he might do that.  But I'm not going to just sit around and wait. I don't have time for that.  And, like I said, that's not what I signed on for.

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And a few discussions later, I had moved even further -- to self-assurance.  There's nothing wrong with me. I'm a good person.  A lot of people care about me.  I'm likeable.  Worthy.  I know I did the right thing in this situation.  I stood up for myself and let him know how I felt about his dismissal.  I didn't let him just keep stringing me along by remaining friends.  I showed that I love and respect myself more than that.

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I deserve someone who will make plans and keep them.  (And if he can't, he will make it up to me without offering some lame excuse.)

I deserve someone who will ask me on a date ... not just someone who texts and asks, "when do you want to hang out?"

I deserve someone who has no doubts about wanting to be with me.

I deserve someone who not only shows respect for me but also affection.

I deserve someone who will show me I'm a priority and not just an option.

I deserve someone who genuinely just likes me.

I deserve someone great.

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I have a lot to offer, but I refuse to bestow it on the wrong person. It will only be gifted to the right person.  If I have to wait the rest of my life to find him, then so be it.  I cannot tell you the number of times I've been told I'm too picky, but I'm going to stop listening to the people who say that.  Holding out for what I deserve doesn't mean I'm picky --- it means I have standards and self-respect.


6 comments:

  1. I love this post!!! So true and I can definitely relate. I am going to steal that Charles Orlando quote because it's spot on. I hate that you had to deal with this, because I know it hurts. But it seems like you know yourself and have a good handle on what you deserve. Proud of you! Keep your chin up girl!

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  2. Good for you! This is a great post! I'm glad you can recognize that it wasn't you, it was totally him. And I think closing the door was the right thing to do. That way you don't find yourself holding on in the hopes of something that may never be.

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  3. Definitely not picky. And you deserve the best, sometimes it just takes longer than we'd like to find the best.

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  4. You do really deserve all of those things, and he is out there. I know I told you this and I have probably blogged it about my own situations that are and were similar but, girl when you least expect it, he will show up and he WILL be so worth all the BS that comes with any relationship. He will treat you so much better than you have ever been treated before that you will actually send him a stupid text one day saying "Thank you for being a good man because there are so many toads I had to kiss to find you!" He won't be a prince to everyone but to you, he will. That is really ALL that matters. When it is right, you will know because it won't feel like anything you have ever felt before. It will feel so much better because he deserves YOU and respects YOU and loves only YOU!

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  5. A friend of mine just went through this exact same thing. You are awesome and articulated this perfectly. I'm gonna send it to her. :)

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  6. i admire you SO much, girl! You've got it, you just haven't found the one who appreciates it yet!

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