Single girl struggle

Friday night, after my shift at the Des Moines Arts Festival was over, I showered and returned to the festival grounds. I wanted to experience the event at night.  OK, and I also wanted a few more tastes from the Iowa Craft Beer Tent and to hang out with friends.  As tempting as my couch was, returning to the Arts Festival won out.

So, there I was, Smoked Red from West O (one of my favorites!) in hand, listening to 10,000 Maniacs (minus Natalie Merchant).  The music quickly became background music as my friends and I delved into the topic of dating and relationships.  We shared what was happening with each of us in that realm and as I was the only completely unattached one in the group, one friend asked me, "I know you say you like being single, but ... everyone needs to have a person."

She raised an interesting point, and honestly it's something I've struggled with for a long time.

For years, I've walked the fine line between being OK with my singlehood and wanting a relationship. 

If you profess too much about how much you love your single life, people think you're lying.  Or stubborn.  Or a man-hater.  Or negative.  Or pessimistic.  They can't believe you'd actually like being alone.  They don't understand why you're not looking for someone.

If you talk about wanting a relationship, people think you're desperate. Or needy. Or whiny.  Or weak.  Or insecure.  They tell you that you're trying too hard. They encourage you to "stop looking" so "it'll happen."

The truth is, I fall somewhere in the middle of these two ends of the spectrum.

I am perfectly fine being single.  I love the freedom of doing whatever I want without having to consider someone else's feelings, schedule, needs, etc.  I also really enjoy my own company and my alone time.  I am proud of how self-sufficient I am and the things I've learned about myself because of the years I've spent alone.

I want to find a relationship. I would love to have someone with whom to share my thoughts, hopes, dreams, and fears.  Someone I want to call immediately when something good happens and lean on when times are rough.  But it has to be the right relationship.  For me, dating just to be with someone is a waste of time.

And the thing is, I do believe this person and relationship is out there.  Somewhere.  I really shouldn't say that too loudly because the Universe (or a bunch of Negative Nancies) will come along and squash that belief.  But, really, I think I have a lot to offer and at some point, I'll meet someone who agrees and also brings a lot to the table.  I'm open to that.

But ... if it doesn't happen.  If he doesn't come along.  If the relationship never materializes, I'll be just fine.  My life isn't over without him/it.  Or less satisfying.  Or incomplete. Or a failure.

My life is meaningful because I make it that way -- whether it's with someone else or on my own.