Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Loving life without looking for love

The other night, I was talking to a co-worker at one of my jobs telling her about the new part-time job I was taking on.  If you're keeping track at home, I now have a full-time gig plus two part-time hustles.  She was amazed at my schedule and asked, "How will you have time for a love life?"  I just sort of laughed and said, "You're assuming I even want one." She had no response for that.

Her question really wasn't irritating. At least not from her.  I think it's natural for people to assume anyone who's single must be actively looking for love.  Especially coupled people.  They're always wanting you to join the couple club as if they get some kind of reward for recruiting.

But at the moment, I'm on dating hiatus.  Mostly it's by choice.  I'm honestly not really interested in falling in love. Also, it's not like I've had a lot of men throwing themselves at me either.  (That's a hilarious visual, by the way. I just picture bodies flying through the air randomly.) Again, people have a hard time accepting that I'm not out manhunting every chance I get. (Another hilarious visual.)

Here are a few reasons why ...

No time or energy.
Let's face it -- relationships are work. They are investment of time, affection, and energy.  I just don't really have it.As I mentioned above, I have a lot on my plate. All those jobs plus a committee that's just gearing up for a year of monthly events. And then there are my workouts, which happen at least four times a week.  There are a lot of days I'm out of the house and on the go for 14 or more hours.  And on the days I'm not, I want to relax and get things done at home.  When would I even have time to date?

I am terrible at small talk.
Meeting people is pretty much synonymous with lots of chatter. And first dates?  All small talk. I am just not talented in that arena.  I'm getting better, thanks to my two part-time jobs, but I still need to flex those skills a little more before I will make a good first date.

I'm just a little jaded.
In my little corner of the world, there are lots of people around me with relationships in turmoil. They're either breaking up or going through a really rough time.  As an empath, I tend to take on the feelings of others easily.  So it's safe to say that I have a lot of baggage from my friends' experiences. I'm currently of the mindset that guys bring a lot more pain, heartbreak, and frustration than happiness.

Now, I'm not saying I'm done with dating forever.  That's a long time.  And I reserve the right to change my mind at any turn.  I mean, if I met someone interesting tomorrow and he asked me out, sure I'd probably go out with him. 
I'll willingly make time in my busy schedule when the right time and person come along. Until then, my life is full and fabulous as is. I'm pretty busy falling in love with myself and my life.


  1. I have several single friends who are some of my most favorite, happy, joyful people. I agree that you don't NEED that to be happy. I'm also a firm believe that when you go looking for love, it's forced. When you're out doing your thing {like you are now}... you may find someone that you just click with. And yes it will be work to make any relationship work but somehow, when it's the right person, it doesn't feel all that much like work. I guess because you focus on the rewards. So kudos to you for being happy for where you are!

  2. That is the perfect way to look at things!

  3. Love this post! I can so relate. Love you friend, you are amazing!! :)

  4. Oh jeez I could have written this post word for word! Ugh!!!!!

    I would like to be in a relationship if the perfect (for me) man just appeared in front of me. I don't want to go on a bunch of online first dates. So much work and in my experience a waste of time!

  5. You have to do what's best for you. If you're burned out from dating, then who is anyone to judge you for that?! I just started Match again to meet people here in Michigan and have had ZERO luck so far--but 2 of my co-workers also joined so we are kind of having fun with it, checking out each other's matches and seeing if we have overlaps, haha. So that's fun for me, but have I been on a date yet? Nope. Have I had ANYONE interested in me who isn't a creep or wayyyyy to old? NOPE. So, it's kinda mehhhh right now. I think you're doing the right thing and when you feel like trying again, you will! Although, I have a good feeling about this new job of yours...maybe you'll meet someone. ;)

  6. I love this post. There is no standard that requires you to be a couple and being a couple doesn't make you happy. You have to find inner happiness, with a man or without one. Your time is yours and there is something wonderful about that which shouldn't be taken for granted. Being a part of a happy twosome isn't any easier than being part of a happy one.
    Now, as for them throwing themselves at you, who knows, maybe you will find a nice guy who likes to read at the library. He will probably be the one getting the baseball books. :)
    If there is one thing I would tell my single self, it is not to stress it. You aren't going to wake up 50% of a a happy duo tomorrow and being a confident, self assured, well rounded, and happy person is so important to your mental stability because relationships, as you pointed out so well, are not easy. I miss having time for my friends and myself. You are beautiful, BTW. Own it!


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