Anyhow, lately I'm feeling like I'm torn between wanting something too much and giving up on it completely. Like I have to choose one or the other.
I worry that if I declare too loudly that I want something, the universe will keep it out of reach. But if I try to adopt the attitude that I don't want it, it'll elude me even more.
I don't need to have everything I want. Honestly. I'm not delusional or full of entitlement. I know no one truly has it all.
And while I have a lot of good, I still want more. But I'm afraid to admit that. Afraid of sounding ungrateful, desperate, or just plain whiny. And I don't want feedback from people who only tell me why I can't have it or won't have it.
So I keep it all to myself.
But I don't want to quit wanting, dreaming, and expecting. I don't think that's healthy.
I want to find contentment without complacency.
I want to get to a place where I realize it's OK to admit when I want something. A place where I accept life but recognize areas that can be better ... and don't feel bad about that realization. I don't want to feel bad for wanting things.
I need to find that middle ground.
I'm still trying to figure out how to get there.
Middle ground is so hard! I think most of us struggle in finding the key to just having peace with where we are in the moment. Or at least I know I do. Often even! I hope you can find that balance soon!
ReplyDeleteI understand this post so well. I think no matter where you are, you feel this way a lot of the time. Staying busy helps and I know you are busy. Finding a happy medium is probably what we are all looking for. Striving to be better, however is always a good thing. I believe you deserve your dreams so don't be afraid of them.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful every day for things that are really small and really big. I don't just say I'm grateful, I truly feel it in my heart. I don't let one day pass by without counting the good, and there is so much of it.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel bad admitting I want more or that I want to BE more - I think being a better human benefits the world, not just myself. So dream on dreamer - there are limits for all of us in life, but a lot of times we put them there ourselves.
And on the frivolous side...I don't think wanting an expensive bag makes me a brat. It gives me something to work for.
I feel like I've read a lot of similar posts from intelligent, talented females in the last couple of weeks. I think people who write (like bloggers) tend to be dreamers too. So, it is not surprising that many of us dream for something more. It does not mean what we have is bad or wrong, just that we want to grow and expand our experiences. Best of luck with all your dreams :)
ReplyDeleteEmbrace what you want. Don't apologize for it, don't downplay it. If you want something in your life, it's okay to say so. Say so, and then move on. It's when we dwell and get all wrapped up in not having it that we run into problems and feel so discontented.
ReplyDeleteI think restless and reflective almost always go hand in hand. I've been feeling similar. I want more from my life, but I wonder if I want too much. But just like you I don't want to give up on my dreams. It's not that we don't appreciate all we have, it's just that it feels like there's something missing. It's hard to figure it all out.
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