Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Seeing myself through the lens of a relationship

I always thought the main thing about dating someone was getting to know them. And I still think that's true. But it's definitely not the whole truth. No one told me I would learn as much about myself as I would about my boyfriend.

In the few months I've been with Sean, there have already been a few occasions when I needed to step back and look at my tendencies and my behaviors. It's like I'm seeing myself in a new way. Here are a few things I've noticed.

/// I stress out over stupid things.
One weekend, we had plans to be somewhere, and I was running behind schedule. At least behind my schedule. I was on edge by the time I picked him up. In the end, we were still very early. And even if we'd been a little late, what and who would it have hurt? I need to figure out what matters and what doesn't.

/// When I'm stressed, I lash out.
Related to the point above, I snapped at him a few times. More than a few times. I'm not proud of it. And I've apologized to him. My level of stress had nothing to do with him, but I took it out on him anyway. I need to be more careful about how I let out my stress.

/// I let my emotions takeover too often.
OK, so this one is definitely not new. I've always known I wear my emotions close to the surface. And I've tried to get a handle on it in the past, trying to be more logical. With Sean, I need to be better about this. If he's stressed or upset about something, I need to just listen and keep the calm. I'm no help to him if I get worked up too. Even if I'm also upset (especially if it's on his behalf), I have to hold off on reacting as such. This is not first nature for me though, so it's an ongoing project.

I have no doubt I'll continue to uncover new things about myself as time goes on. And I'll continue to make adjustments so I can be a better version of myself. Not just for him, but for my other relationships as well. And for me.

What did you learn about yourself through your relationship?


  1. Love the The Alchemist. Good post.

  2. I totally agree that you learn just as much about yourself in relationships, as you do the other person. In good friendships too, I think. It's always easier for me to recognize the things that I need to work on vs. actually make the moves to make them better. We are all a work in progress I suppose! haha

  3. These are all very good things to learn about yourself. I've learned that I tend to get these perfect visions in my head of how I want things to go and then I get very upset when they don't turn out that way.


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