Friday, November 12, 2010

30 Days of Truth -- Day 1: One Hate

After seeing a few of my favorite female bloggers do this series, I have been compelled to do it as well. I think it'll probably tell me more about myself.  In the process, maybe some of you will learn more about me too, although I tend to think maybe, sometimes, my friends know me better than I do.  Or maybe just that they see me differently than I see myself.

Anyhow, here's day one -- something I hate about myself.

Oh, if only I had just one thing on that list.  There are so many things I hate about myself. 

Physically, I hate my double-chin that, in photos, makes me look much heavier than I am.  I also hate my huge cheeks, which earned me the nickname of "Chipmunk Girl" from a few of the boys in my high school. I can still hear their taunts.

Emotionally, I hate that I sometimes take things too personally.  I also hate that I assume someone is a friend until they show they're not (which really, really hurts).  I wish I was a little more hardened and made someone prove they were a friend first.  But that's not in my nature.

Mostly, though, I just hate that I hate anything about myself.  I want to believe I'm awesome, and sometimes I do.  But there are (more than) a few days when I can only see all my faults and can't see anything good or any reason why someone would want to know me, let alone be my friend or want to date me.  And I wonder why I'm single.  Ultimately, I know it's my fault. And that only leads to another round of self-hatred.  It's a cycle I wish I knew how to break.  Other people seem to do it so well...and so easily.  But not me.

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