Shredding and Sassing

As I mentioned in a post earlier this week, I am subjecting myself to making my way through Jillian Michaels' "30 Day Shred" workout.  It has three levels, and you're supposed to do each for about 10 days (yay math skills!). 

In the virtual world, I'm enduring this with a bunch of other women eager to get fit (shout out to the #shredcrew).  In reality, I'm working out alone. This is probably a good thing.  First of all, I'm not pretty when I sweat.  "Who is?" you ask.  Well, I don't know anyone because I don't watch other people sweat.  But I'm sure there are some people who look awesome when they sweat. Second, I need to do this at my own pace and on my own schedule.  I like the motivation I'm getting from the other women in the #shredcrew, but other than that, I need to be fairly independent. Third, I like to talk back to Jillian.  I realize she's on the screen and not in the room with me, but that doesn't stop me from having plenty to say to her. 
 Jillian: For those of you who are  up for a bit of a challenge, keep your eyes on Natalie. If you want to look like this, do what she does and you should be there in no time.
Me: She's black and at least six inches taller than I am.  I don't think I'll ever look like THAT.


Jillian: Those of you who are looking for a modified version of the jumping jack, look elsewhere, you're not going to get that from me.
Me: I bet there's one on youtube.


Jillian (right after push ups): Let's get back up, ladies. Chop chop.
Me:  You can chop this.


Me: Anita looks really annoyed that she has to do the "beginner" version.


Me:  Natalie is totally taking a break (during the static lunge and bicep curl).  She just did two curls without lunging.  And she's getting paid for this.  I'm not getting paid for this, and I'm not taking a break. Ok, maybe just a little one.

Jillian: This is going to take the place of hours of phoning it in at the gym if you give me twenty minutes.
Me:  But I never spent hours at the gym, so what is this replacing for me?


Jillian: Very nice guys.  They don't even cheat when I'm up here not looking.
Me:  Except for Natalie.


Jillian: Those of you who are on day five, six, seven -- I bet you're feeling a huge difference in your endurance.
Me:  True, but I also can't go up stairs without cringing in pain, so there's a trade-off.


Jillian: I know you feel that knot in your stomach. That is your body getting stronger. That is fear leaving the body.
Me:  Actually, it's probably my lunch. It was Taco Tuesday at Taco John's.

Jillian: You've just finished level one of the 30 Day Shred, and you're well on your way to being shredded.
Me:  Does that mean I don't have to come back and do it tomorrow?

Don't get me wrong.  I love Jillian.  I actually think I'd like to work out with her and/or Bob for a few weeks.  They might be crazy intense, but they get results.  That's what I'm looking for.  So I guess I'll stick with talking back to Jillian on the screen.  I'm moving on to Level 2 tomorrow.  Scary!