Friday, August 17, 2012

Tick tock

Confession time.

Are you ready for this?

I don't know if I am.

But here it goes anyway.

I really want to be a mom.

I'm 32 years old with no serious relationship on the horizon.  And while I'm being completely honest, let me tell you there are none in the rearview mirror either.  There are lots of reasons for that, many of which I've discussed with someone recently.  That's a whole other post.  And perhaps one that's too personal for this blog.

But back to the subject of motherhood.

I really want to experience it.

Ideally, I want to have a child with a husband.  I would love to share the experience and responsibility of raising a child with someone I love and plan to be with forever. But life is rarely ideal. And my window of opportunity on that is closing.  Sure, 32 isn't all that old, but with no dating prospects in my life, I'm at least three years away from being a mom.  And that's if I meet someone tomorrow and we both have the same goals with family.  That's a big "if."  I don't know if I can bank on it, and my biological clock is still ticking.

Parenting is perhaps the world's toughest job, but that doesn't keep me from wanting it.

Why wait for a man to make that happen?

Since when have I ever waited for someone else to give me what I want?

I decided to start studying some other options.  There are actually a lot of them for single women, namely adoption and having a child alone.  Right now, I'm leaning toward the second option.  I want to know what it's like to carry a child and have it share my DNA.  I've read a few books and blogs about the decision to have a child alone. I've also talked to family and close friends about this option, and told them I plan to take serious steps toward it if a reach a certain age and am still single.

I'm already seriously considering it. And this isn't something I've decided on a whim. I think I've always known I wanted to have a child.  My childhood playtime and some of my private writing pretty much indicates this.  As for my decision to be a single mom, I've been thinking about it for the better part of the past five years. I know it won't be easy, but I strongly believe that nothing worth having is ever easy.  And a child would be worth having.

I've gone so far as to research the cost of sperm and the procedure.  That definitely won't be cheap.  Did you know that a vial of sperm costs around $400?  Yikes.  And that doesn't include the insemination. And there's no guarantee it would work.  I also have some reproductive health issues that might come into play. So if that doesn't work out, I'm definitely open to adoption. I just know I want to be a mom.

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Kids are expensive. And my life would change a lot.

Could I do it on my own?

I don't know yet.

It's a good thing I have a few more years until my self-imposed deadline.

I definitely have some more thinking and research to do.

5 comments:

  1. Girl- I know exactly how you are feeling. I always thought the "biological clock" saying was a myth, but the older I get, the more I believe in it. I feel the same pain.

    I totally think you could do this on your own. You are a strong, confident person. And you have a wonderful support system. Good for you for researching all the info. Thanks for sharing those stats, very interesting!

    :)

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  2. This excites me :) though when I come to SL for work we would have to get milkshakes instead of beers.

    I'm okay with milkshakes :)

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  3. I think this is a wonderful option. In fact, I really want to be a mom, but I don't necessarily feel that desire to "carry" a child. (You know how some women just want to be pregnant all the time?). i mean, I'm not against it, but I'd look forward the baby much more than I'd look forward to the pregnant part. If it wasn't so expensive, I'd totally look into adoption, just because there are so many babies out there that need good parents.

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  4. I got pregnant...and had a child long before the day when I heard my biological clock TICK TICK TICKING.

    It was being a single mother that taught me I would never want to inflict this on another child.

    Being a mom is wonderful. I even came through pregnancy wanting to do it again. I still want to have more kids as my window closes. I am closer to 40 and still single.

    My daughter is 16. It hit her when she was 4 that her family did not look like others and her life has not been the same since.

    There are so many orphans and unwanted kids of all ages with all types of back grounds etc. I wish I was in a position to foster or adopt some teens. I think that is where I could do the most good.

    It also occurs to me that there are embryos out there and gestating one might be a way to save a life and have the mothering experience.

    I thought sharing DNA and a whole journey to the teen years plus not making the same mistakes my parents made would ease the teen parenting years. EPIC FAIL lol

    I blog about my life and I blog about what this teenager puts me through though not so much the latter but there is a YouTube somewhere that she posted while in middle school with a friend in the middle of the night...

    Things you just can't plan around because you never think your sensible kid is going to be well a kid and do something foolish. LOL sigh

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  5. Oh, Micah. Bless your sweet heart. I feel the pressure and the pain of wanting to be married and that is hard enough, but the thought of wanting to have a child added into the mix would just be so tough. Know that I will be praying for you, whatever you decide.

    A good friend of mine actually did the sperm donor thing and has the most precious baby girl, my God Daughter. I think that this is absoulutely a great option.

    ~Tiffany
    http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com

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