Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Stronger and wiser

Yesterday, my girl, Jenn posted this photo on twitter:



Good grief.

The message could not have hit closer to home.

I have been struggling for a long time to let go of someone and something that is obviously not right for me.  Each time I pull away a little, I get sucked right back in and I want to believe things will be different.  But they never are.  And I should know better by now.

I should know that I deserve better than this.
I should know that there's someone more incredible out there for me.
I should know that just because someone is a good person doesn't mean they're good for me.

Logically, I do know all of this.  But don't always operate on logic.  In fact, I'd say I rarely do.  I rely more on emotions and feelings than logic.  Welcome to the world of being an INFP

Even though I've failed several times to let go, I'm trying again. I have to. My heart simply can't take much more of the false hopes and disappointment.  It's all been mostly self-inflicted, and I just can't keep doing this to myself.  I need to be my own best friend and pull myself out of the situation.  I can't keep wasting my time, energy and feelings on this.

Fortunately, I have enough to distract me right now. I'm in a new city, surrounded by friends and working in a new job. Baseball season is in full swing, and I'm in a great routine for fitness. My next few weeks are crazy busy, which is good.  Less time to think/analyze/dwell.

Letting go of people, ideas and dreams is never easy for me, but I need to be strong enough to do it right now.  And I need to be wise enough to recognize what I deserve and not settle for anything less.

I wrote out Jenn's quote in my own handwriting and stuck it to my computer monitor at work.  I plan on making a copy for a few places at home too.  I need the constant reminder so I can get to the point where I can finally close a chapter that's been drawn out for way too long.


7 comments:

  1. I just saw your message on my blog and all I can say back to you is GOOD LORD!! I so understand! What you wrote today is exactly what I struggle with too! It is so hard to get your heart to understand what your head accepts! We will get there! We will find the right one who knows we are the right one and isn't afraid!

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  2. Love you friend! I know what you are going through (as you can tell from my blog post today). You are amazing and a wonderful person and deserve someone who can recognize that! I'm so stealing that quote!!!

    XOXO!

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  3. It's definitely hard to get your head to overrule your heart, but it can be done! And you're lucky that you've got a ton of stuff going on to help keep you busy and distracted!

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  4. You are a beautiful intelligent girl and you deserve the world! I'm lucky - I have borderline personality disorder (yes, I said LUCKY!) and in me it manifests in such a way that I can simply say "I no longer like that person" and he/she ceases to exist (see: Cj Wilson, Chris Brown, Josh Hamilton, my ex husband).

    Perhaps you should stop "letting go" and instead "replace" - replace old dreams with bigger ones, old loves with better ones? And when you find it hard? Remember it only means you have a deep love for other and you dare to dream. Not a bad thing!

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  5. I'm so glad that list little quote could help you liked it's been helping me. I've still got mine stuck to my desk at work, too. It's a great reminder. We deserve great thinks & we will get them! Hang in there, friend!

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    1. And by list little quote I meant THIS little quote :) Is it 5 o'clock yet?!

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  6. I feel so similar!! It sucks sometimes, but I have faith that it will get better :)

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