Tuesday, June 11, 2013

On eye candy and nice rejection

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen my tweets about someone I refer to as Office Eye Candy.  Oh, he's one of my favorites.

He was the highlight of many days at my most recent job.  I didn't see him every day, but when I did, it was good.  On my last day, I actually saw him several times and was alone with him in the break room for several moments.  I almost struck up a conversation with him, and if I'd known then that it would be my last day, I might have.  But I chickened out and said nothing.  When I was let go later that day, I figured I'd never see him again.

Color me surprised when he showed up at the same race I was in last Saturday.  I did a double take, unsure if it was really him.  Then he walked a few steps.  Yep, definitely him.  He has a very distinct walk, you guys!  He walked by me several times, and I probably could have said something to him, but again, I refrained.

One of my friends said I need to find out his name, find him on facebook and send him a message.  Well, thanks to the race results, I did get his name and find him on facebook.  But I won't be sending him a message.  That's just not something I do.  Anymore.

Yes, I said "anymore."

Lots of humiliation and rejection over the years has made me a little more gun shy. You see, guys don't seem to be flattered by my attentions.  That's been a trend since high school.  I've been the butt of a lot of jokes over the years among the social circles of guys I liked.  That caused me to change a lot, and the walls have gone up slowly over the years.  But I used to be a lot more willing to let someone know when I was interested.

Let me share one of my favorite stories from high school. I had a lot of crushes during those four years, but none nicer than this guy.  Or smarter.  Or shyer. 

He was the kicker for our football team, and I was one of the managers.  The other girls quickly assigned me to work with him, which meant holding while he kicked field goals and chasing footballs while he practiced kick-offs. Actually, on the latter exercise, he was supposed to kick them to me, but he admitted he kicked them beyond me because he enjoyed watching me chase them.  Ha ha.  We had a lot of fun together, really.  One night, after I'd seen a pro football player do this, I asked him to try kicking without a shoe on.  He did.  It stung. His shoe went back on.  We both had a good laugh, but he never tried it again.

Occasionally, I had to drive him to football practice.  My car was a real P.O.S. The passenger side door did not open from the outside, so I always had to open it for him.  How gallant of me, right?  It was amusing to watch him try and get in my car with his pads and helmet on.  I finally convinced him to not wear the helmet in the car, but he always kept the pads on.   

One Thursday during my senior year, I decided to take a chance.  As I drove toward the field, I asked him if he would go to the homecoming dance with me (it was a week away).  His immediate response:  reach for the door handle.  Great, just great.  He'd rather go tumbling onto the pavement than go to a dance with me.   Granted, I was only going 20 mph or so at the time and he was wearing his pads, but still.  He did stay in the car though. I must have grown flustered, and I'm sure I started rambling, almost backpedaling from my invitation.  As we reached the field, he didn't dart from the vehicle.  He told me he would "think about it."  I let him have the weekend to ponder it.  Actually, I didn't give him a deadline, but that's what he took. 

The following Monday, we had an early morning practice.  As he and I prepared to begin field goal practice, he stammered a bit and finally said, "I thought about what you asked me, and I think I'm going to pass. I just don't like dances, but if I went with anyone I would definitely go with you."   

Naturally, I was disappointed, but I felt like he let me down very kindly.  Maybe he didn't mean a word of that second part, but it was nice of him to say it either way.  To this day, his rejection is probably the kindest I've ever endured. 

If he ever stumbles upon this, I hope he doesn't mind me sharing this story. 

I have a few more stories about who I call "the nice heartbreakers."  I also have some tales about their not-so-nice counterparts.  I'm debating sharing them.  My aim is not to call anyone out or embarrass them, but rather to share experiences that have shaped who I am and how I behave when it comes to romantic relationships.

So, here's a tip for guys in my future -- If I make the effort to show you I like you, please understand the gravity of the situation.  Please understand what I had to overcome (even if only in my mind), and realize I thought you were worth the effort and the risk.

Via

8 comments:

  1. He had to think about it? What a punk. And shame that he let you down BUT at least he did it in a super nice way.

    However. You totally should've said something at the race. After all, that was the perfect easy moment to open the window of opportunity without putting yourself ALL out there. Just a simple, fancy running (ha ha) into you here. :p

    Not that I'm one to talk, I've never really tried to do much more than smile at a guy that I'm interested in. Blah.

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  2. That is something I have always admired about you...the guts to say something when I never ever could have done it. I think its cool that you go for what you want. I was always the person that waited for the guy to make his move...or not, but I wasn't going to do it! Even if it hurt, at least you knew, one way or the other. No regrets :) You are a wonderful, brave, inspiring person. When the right guy comes along, he will appreciate all those qualities that make you a wonderful person. And he will be worth the wait.

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  3. You are way ballsier than me! It's a very admirable quality.

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  4. I really like this post! So honest! We've all been there for sure. I think in the story you shared you both handled it very well! I encourage you to step out a little more... I used to be very shy and now that I'm not anymore, I realize how much fun I could have had and I know that I missed a lot of cool opportunities. I've been reading about regret lately and while I usually think quotes are a crock of crap, most that I've read say that it is better to regret something you did than to regret something you did not do because you have to forever live with "what if." I agree with those sentiments. I look back and think "what if..." all the time. I guess my advice, not that you are even asking but in case you decide to send this office guy a message, would be to just be very casual. Make a friendship thing out of it. Maybe say "oh, I see you got ___ place in the race! Good job!" If not, then take a chance on the next guy. Will it be a mistake? Maybe. But it's not a permanent mistake and you will learn from it!

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  5. "Please understand the gravity of the situation" -- you crack me up. I totally understand what you're saying, though! Get back on that horse girl, you're beautiful and oh-so awesome.

    XO,
    Samm
    www.dysfunctionaleverafter.com

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  6. Love this! So relatable. Thanks for sharing!

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  7. I admire you for having the guts to at least go for it. I don't see me ever having the courage to ask a guy out. Glad you found out eye candy's name. You never know, maybe your paths were meant to cross again?? :)

    Sorry I'm so behind on commenting, I have been out of the blog world for a while!!

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  8. Oh girl. Rejection is so hard to face, and I've had to face it far too many times in my life. It's what stops me from talking to guys or showing them any interest at all because I'm afraid they will just let me down, because that's all that's happened to me in the past. One day I hope that I won't get rejected from a guy I truly like. And as for the eye candy man, you never know what could happen in the future :)

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