On eye candy and nice rejection

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen my tweets about someone I refer to as Office Eye Candy.  Oh, he's one of my favorites.

He was the highlight of many days at my most recent job.  I didn't see him every day, but when I did, it was good.  On my last day, I actually saw him several times and was alone with him in the break room for several moments.  I almost struck up a conversation with him, and if I'd known then that it would be my last day, I might have.  But I chickened out and said nothing.  When I was let go later that day, I figured I'd never see him again.

Color me surprised when he showed up at the same race I was in last Saturday.  I did a double take, unsure if it was really him.  Then he walked a few steps.  Yep, definitely him.  He has a very distinct walk, you guys!  He walked by me several times, and I probably could have said something to him, but again, I refrained.

One of my friends said I need to find out his name, find him on facebook and send him a message.  Well, thanks to the race results, I did get his name and find him on facebook.  But I won't be sending him a message.  That's just not something I do.  Anymore.

Yes, I said "anymore."

Lots of humiliation and rejection over the years has made me a little more gun shy. You see, guys don't seem to be flattered by my attentions.  That's been a trend since high school.  I've been the butt of a lot of jokes over the years among the social circles of guys I liked.  That caused me to change a lot, and the walls have gone up slowly over the years.  But I used to be a lot more willing to let someone know when I was interested.

Let me share one of my favorite stories from high school. I had a lot of crushes during those four years, but none nicer than this guy.  Or smarter.  Or shyer. 

He was the kicker for our football team, and I was one of the managers.  The other girls quickly assigned me to work with him, which meant holding while he kicked field goals and chasing footballs while he practiced kick-offs. Actually, on the latter exercise, he was supposed to kick them to me, but he admitted he kicked them beyond me because he enjoyed watching me chase them.  Ha ha.  We had a lot of fun together, really.  One night, after I'd seen a pro football player do this, I asked him to try kicking without a shoe on.  He did.  It stung. His shoe went back on.  We both had a good laugh, but he never tried it again.

Occasionally, I had to drive him to football practice.  My car was a real P.O.S. The passenger side door did not open from the outside, so I always had to open it for him.  How gallant of me, right?  It was amusing to watch him try and get in my car with his pads and helmet on.  I finally convinced him to not wear the helmet in the car, but he always kept the pads on.   

One Thursday during my senior year, I decided to take a chance.  As I drove toward the field, I asked him if he would go to the homecoming dance with me (it was a week away).  His immediate response:  reach for the door handle.  Great, just great.  He'd rather go tumbling onto the pavement than go to a dance with me.   Granted, I was only going 20 mph or so at the time and he was wearing his pads, but still.  He did stay in the car though. I must have grown flustered, and I'm sure I started rambling, almost backpedaling from my invitation.  As we reached the field, he didn't dart from the vehicle.  He told me he would "think about it."  I let him have the weekend to ponder it.  Actually, I didn't give him a deadline, but that's what he took. 

The following Monday, we had an early morning practice.  As he and I prepared to begin field goal practice, he stammered a bit and finally said, "I thought about what you asked me, and I think I'm going to pass. I just don't like dances, but if I went with anyone I would definitely go with you."   

Naturally, I was disappointed, but I felt like he let me down very kindly.  Maybe he didn't mean a word of that second part, but it was nice of him to say it either way.  To this day, his rejection is probably the kindest I've ever endured. 

If he ever stumbles upon this, I hope he doesn't mind me sharing this story. 

I have a few more stories about who I call "the nice heartbreakers."  I also have some tales about their not-so-nice counterparts.  I'm debating sharing them.  My aim is not to call anyone out or embarrass them, but rather to share experiences that have shaped who I am and how I behave when it comes to romantic relationships.

So, here's a tip for guys in my future -- If I make the effort to show you I like you, please understand the gravity of the situation.  Please understand what I had to overcome (even if only in my mind), and realize I thought you were worth the effort and the risk.

Via