Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Back to me and back to dating

Now that I'm back in the working world, I feel like I'm ready to be in the dating world again too. While I was unemployed, I pretty much abandoned my online dating profile.  I figured no one would want to date an unemployed girl.  And, let's be honest, I wasn't feeling the greatest about myself during that time, so it wasn't an ideal time to date.

Life is different now.

I've been at my new job for about two weeks and most days, I feel like I'm really getting it.  It's so different from anything I ever thought I'd be doing, but it keeps me busy for eight-plus hours a day.  I know I'm making a difference in people's lives too, even if it's only in a very small, anonymous way. Plus, I work with some really fun people, so that adds to my enjoyment. I didn't anticipate feeling so fulfilled in this role, but I really am.

As a result, my confidence is getting back on track.  I feel good about who I am and what I have to offer. My head is back in a place where I would want to date me, so I'm ready to let other people have a shot as well.  And who wouldn't want to?  I think I'm a pretty great person.  Obviously you agree or you wouldn't be reading my blog, right?

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I'm in no rush to find something serious -- even though most people probably think I should be at age 33.  I mean, that's practically spinster age, right?  The fact is -- I actually really like being single.  I like having my own space, habits, and schedule.  I've been single for so long, it's all I really know. And I feel like I've gotten pretty good at it.

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But I know better than to live in my comfort zone.  So it's time to get out of it.  Dating is definitely way out of my comfort zone.  I feel like it's such a game, and I don't really care for the rules.  If I have a good time, I'm not going to pretend I didn't.  And if I'm free, I'm not going to pretend I'm busy.  I just don't see the point. 

First dates are especially tough for me.  Stupid social anxiety. I can get so anxious about meeting new people, I'll try to talk myself out of doing things.  That is not going to help me.

I'm also the type of person who can get a tunnel vision.  I definitely have a physical and personality type when it comes to guys.  And it seems like the two rarely combine into someone who also likes me.  I'm trying to be more open minded while I'm browsing profiles and not focus so much on how someone looks or a hobby that I don't particularly care about.  It's hard sometimes though.

As anxious as I am, I am also excited about the opportunities (hopefully multiple) to meet some new people and have them get to know me.  I suppose that's the best attitude to take into it.

What's your best advice for dating?


6 comments:

  1. I'm the one who asked Scott for HIS phone number. I was frustrated with guys in general at that point, so all rules of dating went out the window. Then I was the one who texted him the next day.
    If you think you're at the point of, "Well, I've got nothing to lose, so why not?" (like I was), anything can happen. :)

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  2. Yay for getting back out there! I met my husband on eHarmony, so I'm no stranger to online dating and I actually found it to be pretty effective for me. Anyway, dating advice. I have tons, but a key tip is to find someone who complements you, not someone who's just like you. Sounds cliche, but it's so true. Also, let him be chivalrous and pay for the first 5 dates or more. Oh, and as I'm sure you know, most guys don't want to date a ball-buster or a mommy-type, so turn up the flirting, even if you feel a little bit silly at first. It works like a charm, even when you're out of your comfort zone.

    I look forward to hearing stories of your new dating adventures!

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  3. Though I love my husband dearly, I so miss the single days sometimes! I don't have much advice to offer, just when it is right, everything will fall into place as it should!

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  4. I am so happy to hear that you are enjoying your job. Feeling successful and accomplished truly makes all the difference in the world. As far as dating advice goes, remember that you are not only with your first date anxiety. Chances are highly likely that your date feels the same way.

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  5. This is a good post! Love it! As you can see, I have been really busy at work and am playing catch up on your blog today...but I have to tell you that you are not a spinster by any means. You just have fun. You have plenty of time to meet a nice man and there is no reason why you should not enjoy your friends and your singleness now. You are 10 years ahead of me in figuring this out. Congrats!

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  6. Good for you!!! I feel the same way, though. I'm not happy with my job and I feel like if I'm not happy with that then I won't be happy with a relationship so why try to look for one? I don't have that great of advice right now since I'm also trying to date, but all I can say is just keep being yourself! Maybe do some things with your coworkers after work some nights, or meet up with people on the weekends. Do something you wouldn't normally do, because that's when things will happen. So happy for you, Micah!!

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