Thursday, October 3, 2013

"I want the one word that you refuse to say to me"

In case you don't know me, I have a really tender heart. I care for people easily and fully, and I tend to trust people until they give me a reason not to. I think it's part of what makes me a good friend and someone who is easy to get to know.

Sometimes my open-hearted nature becomes a problem. When someone lets me down or hurts me, it stings. Bad. It's worse when they don't even seem to notice or care that they hurt me.  It's worse yet when they recognize that I'm hurt and find a way to blame me for my pain, never taking any ownership for their part. And they certainly never apologize.

I can think of a few distinct examples in the recent past where I thought someone should have apologized to me for something they did or said. But those apologies never came.  And they probably never will.

It's hard for me to let go of emotions sometimes, but I realize I'm not doing myself any favors by hanging on to my hurt feelings and my grudges.  Why should I continue to suffer?  I have to choose not to.  I have to choose to accept the apologies I will never hear.

This is a very hard lesson for me and I'm still working on it.

Any words of advice?


  1. Hmmm... I tend to just move on from things. I know that I am a horrible apologizer-- I have the hardest time admitting when I'm wrong. So, I can recognize that other people might as well-- while they might feel bad about what they did, they'll never say it. But other people NEED to hear the words and see the contrition. And of course, I've had "friends" who never gave a crap about me at all. Those people aren't in my life anymore. So, no advice really. But I get where you're coming from.

  2. That's tough. I feel the same way sometimes, but most of the time I let things go just because drudging up past confrontations makes me uncomfortable. I think if you NEED to hear the words, then it's not a fault. I think it makes you a sweet, kind-hearted person. :)

  3. I'm the same way and I'm currently dealing with this with an ex-friend. It's tearing me up inside becuase I really let her in and trusted her. But what she did was her decision, not mine. I know she will never say she's sorry becuase she doesn't really care. But, like you, I know that harping on it in my head isn't going to do anything except stress myself out. So I must let go. I'm not there yet, but hopefully soon.


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