Saturday, February 8, 2014

Overheard during the Opening Ceremonies

The 2014 Winter Olympic Games officially kicked off last night with the pageantry of the opening ceremonies.  I present the following quotes from the evening without any further information.


“Please let there be more than 1 athlete. Fuck. Drink”
“Why do we let the Caribbean into the winter Olympics?”
(About NHL Players) “Yah, we get to play because everyone is in Russia!”
“House Rules. All the Germans in this room DRINK 4”
“Who knew there were so many single athlete countries in the Olympics?!”
(About athlete from Zimbabwe) “He is hot. And he is not black. I am confused by this.”
“If you don’t promote world peace, you shouldn’t be in the fucking Olympics.” “New Olympic rule”
(About Iceland.) “You only have 5? It’s because their country melted during that world fire thing.” “You have to remember, they changed our fucking weather patterns because of that fire”
“Kryzgastan. Sponsored by Wells Fargo.”
(About China.) “If you don’t succeed, you’re not coming home.”
“How did Lolo get to the Olympics?” “Because she didn’t have to jump over anything.”
“What the fuck Mexico?” “It’s because the rest of them are drug dealers.”
“Let’s go to Monaco. I can be classy as shit.”
“Russians fake it.” “That’s what she said” CUPCAKE TIME!
“He looked like a dirty homeless teenager.”
“He looks so much hotter with short hair.” “He just because doable”
“I’m pretty sure he smokes enough weed his sperm isn’t moving”
“I love the Balkan outfits. They are a fuck you to Russia”
“They are not midgets. They are nine. They are from the Philippines. They don’t have labor laws.”
“What the fuck. There is a ring of fire chasing the ponies”
“Nobody told me I was supposed to take drugs while watching the Olympics”
“Omg I wanna be that guy. He’s hopping on a donut”
“Is that Johnny Depp. Just kidding”
“The point of the ballet is to see the nut line”
“Speaking of buying your wives…..”
“How can Russia be against the gays when they have the best ballet in the world?”
“I don’t think that’s real snow. I think it’s ballet snow”
“Oh look, a woman in a cage in Russia.”
“I don’t know what’s going on here. They look like jellyfish”
“How do you say ‘shut up’ in Russian?” “Bang” 

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