Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Stop saying this to your single friends

I know people get sick of those BuzzFeed lists and Thought Catalog posts.  But sometimes those lists provide me with a much-needed laugh for the day.  And the Thought Catalog posts?  Sometimes they just speak to me ... or for me.

That's certainly the case for this article -- To Everyone Who Has Ever Said "Don't Worry, You'll Meet Someone Someday."

I just nodded through that whole article.  Change out 20-something and make it 30-something and that's me.


The whole article spoke to me, but this passage is what really stood out:
I appreciate that you sincerely believe that I won’t be single forever. But I could be, and this meant-to-be-reassuring assessment of my love life will seem emptier and emptier as I get older and older. We don’t have to dwell on this pretty bleak possibility. But we do have to recognize it. I may never land my dream job. I may never be in a financial position to eat my way through Italy. And hey, I may never get married. 

Sigh.

Recently, I have been working to make peace with all of the things listed in that excerpt.

The last few years have been extremely tough on me. I'm battling uncertainty in my career aspirations and working two jobs just to still be as broke as I was at 24.  To have lost all confidence in the one thing I thought I was born to do -- write.  I don't even have a dream job anymore, so I don't think I'd know it if it landed in my lap.

And, of course, there's the topic of that article -- love and romance.  I'm 34 and have never experienced any kind of romantic relationship.  I have been single for all of my life.  Yes, I've dated, but ... I've never really been what I would consider "taken." I've never known what it was like to be with someone who was truly into me.  I've never had someone make me feel like I was attractive and desirable. 

It bums me out to have to accept that I may never have any of that.

I've heard that phrase -- "Don't worry, you'll meet someone someday" -- tons of times.  And, heck, I've probably said it to myself more than that.  But I'm going to stop.

There's a strong possibility I will never be in love and be loved.  The only romance I ever experience may be through friends' love stories, books I read, movies I see, and songs I hear. I may always be the third/fifth/seventh wheel among my coupled up friends (all of whom are awesome, by the way).  The only children I ever hold may be my friends' kids.

It's not the life I pictured for myself, but it doesn't mean I'll have a bad life or one that's lacking anything.  My life can and will be very full -- trust me on that.  I just need to work on finding peace with what is instead of what isn't.






As always, I am a work-in-progress.  This is just another project.



7 comments:

  1. Thank you for this post! I have spent more time in the last ten years worrying about these things than I care to admit. Sometimes I am so happy to be on my own and do my own things. Other times that almost unbearable sense of loneliness creeps back in. I hope one day I can find peace in being single. I hope you and I can both live a life full of fun and adventures with or without a partner to share in it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmmm where to start with my comment on this post. Really not loved, I would hopefully assume that you love yourself, because if you don't no one is going to love you. About being a parent, lets see you can apply with Big Brother/Big Sister organization. You can look into become a foster parent, so tons of options there. I read an article the other day about Grandma Moses, she picked up a paint brush in her 70's, she took a painting and a jar of jam to the county fair and won a ribbon with her jam. She was disappointed and put some paintings in a local coffee shop, for $5 a man from New York noticed the paintings about bought everyone in the store......Please stop putting an age limit on things and stop limiting yourself. I went back to college in my 40's and finally landed my dream job...... Stop beating yourself up, when you do that you give the world permission to beat you up also.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was exactly where you are, and not that long ago. I finally reached a point where I was genuinely and truly happy being single. To the point that I didn't care if I ever went on another date again. And then, when people said those "reassuring" things, they were able to roll right off because I became self-assured and secure in myself. You can get there, too. It just takes some time. And a lot of patience with yourself and others.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're absolutely right-- your life may not be at all what you imagined. But that doesn't mean it can't be wonderful. Just like you said-- your life may not have something you hoped, but it's not lacking anything you need. I'm happy to read that you're learning to be content in your current life! And for the record, those of us who have a romantic love sometimes feel that we're lacking other things that you have. I pray that peace and contentment continue to grow in your heart, my friend! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Funny because I actually miss being single sometimes now. My married friends would tell me that and I would think they are crazy but there is an incredible amount of stress that comes with marriage that I had no clue about, or maybe it just my marriage because it came with instant family but you don't know when you fall in love either if you fall for someone with a kid if you get that and that is a whole other can of worms. Anyway, what I am saying is, what I have learned, too late, sadly, is that we should take the time to enjoy the now because those quiet weekends alone may never come again and you could actually miss them someday....and GOSH but do I miss sleeping through the night and a bed to myself sometimes! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think this can be something anyone who has been single for any length of time has to think about and come to terms with - on some level. Sometimes comfort can come from others, but mostly it can just make you feel isolated (in my opinion). I know it's tough girl, but hang in there! Finding a passion - like getting back with your writing - can hopefully help ease those feelings and channel your thoughts! I think for most of us, life doesn't usually end up like we imagined - in some form or another. But that's usually for the better too!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can relate to this a lot. Granted, I have been in relationships, but I struggle because they have never turned out well for me. Then I take a look at my life and wonder what I'm doing wrong where I can't meet a guy! I don't go out to bars, all the guys I've been given online aren't anyone I would be interested in, I work with all women, and since I just moved I don't belong to any clubs or anything and don't know a lot of people up here...it's just disheartening. I try to be patient, but I push too much and get hurt or let down. It's frustrating because I still want that so much!!! I'm not giving up on the fact that there might be someone out there for me, but I think I can understand where you are right now. You are a FANTASTIC person, and I don't think you're doing anything wrong....life is just weird like that. And if you can channel the joy of loving someone into loving LIFE, then that is a wonderful thing :)

    *For what it's worth, I do know several people who met their husbands later in life....I know that sounds like a line, but maybe that's what will happen for you when you LEAST expect it!!*

    ReplyDelete

Pin It button on image hover