Sunday, February 10, 2019

Sunday Sweats: Comparing myself to the wrong people

The Friday before last, we did a workout in class that was really tough. The mini-Murph.
 
 
I got through the list twice in 28 minutes (though I did remove one of the running segments, so I only did a mile and a half). I was really proud of myself. I felt strong and accomplished.

Until I talked to other Xtremers and discovered they'd gotten through it three times.

What? How?

My mind immediately went onto a track of comparing myself to those people.

"No matter how much weight I lose, clearly I'm still the fat girl."
 
"I work out more than they do, but I'm still slower. Why do I keep trying?"
 
"They had to have cheated. There's no way."

Those were the thoughts that circled, round and round, over and over.

This mental beatdown continued for longer than I want to admit. I began to berate myself for not being better and wondering if I should even continue with the workouts. I mean, what was the point if I was always going to be the slowest?

At some point, I was able to stop these thoughts. I don't really know how. I guess I just slept on it and found a way to remind myself that my fitness journey is different than that of those around me. I formed answers or rebuttals to some of the negative thoughts I had.

Thought three: "They had to have cheated. There's no way."

Rebuttal: If they cheated, then they're the only ones who suffer. They missed out on a complete workout and a chance to challenge themselves. None of my business. Their workout is theirs just as mine is mine.


Thought two: "I work out more than they do, but I'm still slower. Why do I keep trying?"

Answer: I keep trying because I want to get stronger and faster. I want to take good care of my body. Also, working out does wonders for my mental and emotional health. So ... I keep trying for me. I work out for me. Not to be the fastest or strongest in the class. I probably never will be. But that's OK.


Thought one: "No matter how much weight I lose, clearly I'm still the fat girl."

Rebuttal: Neither the number on the scale nor the size of my waist indicate my fitness. I am stronger than I used to be. The only way to measure that is to recognize what I can do now that I couldn't before. I do more burpees than I ever though was possible. Push-ups used to be my nemesis, but now I can do a good number (even some on my toes!). A year ago, I was using fives for most of my arm workouts. Now I'm using eights and tens. I am better than I used to be even if I'm not as good as others.


I know very well that comparison is a losing game. Always has been. Always will be. In various facets of life. Yet it's something I still struggle with. I have to keep reminding myself that I can only work on me. When I start worrying about what others are doing, I'm cheating myself. I need to celebrate the strides I am making and realize that others' achievements shouldn't take away from mine. The only person I should be comparing myself to is my past self.



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Last week's workouts:
Sunday - Off
Monday - Xtreme Cardio (30 mins)
Tuesday - Xtreme Total Body Strength (30 mins)
Wednesday - Xtreme Cardio EMOM (30 mins)
Thursday - Xtreme 3-line stations (30 mins)
Friday - Xtreme Partner Cardio (30 mins)
Saturday - Off

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