Friday Fiver: Things that freak me out

I am not a fan of being scared.  I don't watch scary movies anymore because my imagination will take ahold of the images and taunt me with them later.  Tonight was my first spin through a haunted house (actually a barn), and I don't really care to go through it again.  I know a lot of people love the heart-pounding thrills, but I'm just not a fan.  Besides, I'm pretty good at freaking myself out about other things.  Here are five of my biggest fears.

1.  Driving next to semi trucks. 

I partially blame the "Final Destination" franchise for this fear.  The opening sequence of the second movie is stuck in my head.  Also, remember that commercial campaign "don't hang out in the no zone"?  That plays in my head EVERY TIME I'm driving alongside a semi.  I get really nervous and grip the steering wheel tight until I'm around the semi and back in the "yes" zone. 

2.  Being burglarized. Again.

In November 2004, I arrived home from work about 10 p.m. to find the door to my apartment open and half of my CDs on the pavement around the door (apparently the cheap Wal-Mart CD holder had broken while the burglars tried to carry my collection out).  My first concern was my cats, who had never been outside. I worried they had gotten out and I might never see them again. Foolishly, I went inside to look for them, even though I now know I should have called the police first.  I did call the police, who came pretty quickly, and I called my parents.  I found my cats...they had climbed up into the box spring underneath my bed.  They were terrified.  (One didn't come out of hiding for the next three days.)  So was I.  I was also angry that my TV, VCR (which didn't really work) and half of my CDs (including some autographed ones) were gone.  I still have not replaced some of those CDs, and some can never be replaced.  My landlord and the maintenance man came by to secure my door for that night.  I had to stay there; I had nowhere else to go.  But needless to say, I didn't sleep very well that night.  Or for several nights after it.  Everytime I go away from home for more than a few hours now, I have anxiety about coming home to a similar scene.  This might be why I like spending so much time at home.

3.  Never getting out of debt and lack of money in general.

My debt is not nearly as bad as some other people's, but I wish I didn't have any.  And sometimes, I feel like I will never get out of the hole.  I have been through some really tight financial times.  I remember once feeding  my cats cereal because they were out of food, and I wouldn't get paid for a few more days.  I also once had to count change out to buy tampons.  That's when you know you've hit the bottom.  I've gotten a lot better with my money management, but occasionally, I get into some tight spots again.  So tight, I've stayed up all night more than once with a stomach ache and a sinking feeling that I'm not going to get out of it.

4.  Mysterious noises in the dark.

To quote Chunk from "The Goonies" -- "I love the dark, I love the dark, I love the dark....I hate nature, I hate nature."  I like being outside in the late evening hours, particularly in the summer, when the air cools and the bugs kind of go away a little.  But then I hear a rustling, and it might just be a little breeze picking up some leaves, but in my head, it's someone coming to rape me and kill me.  My imagination is a little out of control. It might be a by-product of being a writer.  Or maybe I just watch too much "Law & Order: SVU."

5.  Being vulnerable.

I absolutely hate it when I give someone the power to hurt me.  I've had my heart broken so many times --- not all romantic; friends and family can break your heart just as easily as a significant other can.  Quite a few friends have let me down in my life, and so now it's harder for me to let people in and really trust them.  This also translates into romantic relationships.  I'm far less afraid of being alone than I am of being hurt.