Friday, October 15, 2010

An open letter to future dates

I have begun thinking about venturing into the dating world again.  After almost a whole year of resisting and refraining from pursuit of any guy, I kind of think I'm ready again.  I think.  Maybe.  Perhaps.  The problem is, I live in a small town, so it seems like online dating is the only route I have.  And even though I love writing (and even make a living doing it...somehow), I cannot write about myself in a way that compels someone to want to take me on a date.  Or maybe it's that I'm really not that interesting.  But I don't believe that.  Not all the time anyway.  So, as I started thinking about this tonight on my drive to and from Ames, I came up with the following.

Dear Future Date,

I will not be clingy. I've lived on my own in three different communities for the better part of the last decade, so it's fair to say I'm pretty independent. I can take care of myself, although I might sometimes appear to be struggling to do that. I've learned how to get through tough times on my own. I actually like my alone time, so I won't require every second of your free time, although I'm hoping I like you enough to want to be with you as much as I like being alone.  Or maybe more.

I will judge you based on your sports allegiances. Texas Rangers, KC Chiefs and Iowa State Cyclones fans will pass this test with flying colors. Those who cheer for the Iowa Hawkeyes, New York Yankees or Boston Red Sox have an uphill battle.  You will need to have a good reason for being a fan and another redeeming quality to make up for this one.

I will not sleep with you on the first date.  Or the second.  Or the third.  Or for awhile.  I might as well just put it out there now that I do not put out.  At least not until further in a relationship.  How far will have to be discussed at a later date, and I think if you truly like me, you'll take the time to get to this point and appreciate this aspect about me.

I will be open to learning about your interests and sharing mine with you.  From musicians to foods to sports to movies, I am the kind of person who will try just about anything once.  I've learned to never say never without at least giving something a try.  So far, this has produced an insane love of baseball, the occasional craving for broccoli and the discovery of the formerly believed fictional runner's high.

I will not accept text messages as the sole means of communication. Especially not early in the courtship. (I know that's an old word.  But I kind of like it.)  Until we reach a certain level of comfort or unless it is to convey a quick message, texts are out of the question.  I deserve phone calls.  On that note, if you have no intentions of calling, don't say you will. 

I will be fiercely protective of the things that are close to my heart -- my family, my friends, my cats, my favorite musicians, my favorite sports teams and my beliefs.  If you're smart, you won't try to come between or belittle any of these things.  And more than that, you'll want to be on this list. 

I will not play games. You will know how I feel about you up front. If I want to talk to you, I'll get in touch, regardless of how long it's been since our last date.  I don't buy into that "wait three days" rule. 

I will surprise you.  There are so many things about me that no one knows. I am somewhat of an open book, and I have a lot of close friendships, but I don't let people into my world very easily. I reserve that area for only the most trusted and special people in my life.  If you get there, consider yourself privileged.

I will not settle. I'm in no rush to get married, but I'm not opposed to the idea when and if I meet the right person. I'd rather be alone than with someone who isn't right for me. I'm not trying to say I'm perfect. I know I'm not, and I don't want to be.  Perfection is boring.  I'd rather be interesting. 


  1. I think this could be your profile on the dating sites. Good luck on your future dates! Also, have fun and make him pay on the first date.


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