Friday, December 10, 2010

30 Days of Truth -- Day 29: We could all use a little change

Day 29 -- Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Earlier this year, I joined a group of female bloggers who were on a mission to eat "thinner" and lose weight.  Here's what I wrote as part of my bio for that site:
I first became aware of my weight in 4th grade when a classmate told me I was fat. I wasn’t, of course, but I was impressionable and she was one of the popular girls, so I believed her. She wasn’t the last to use the “f” word with me either. Over the years, crushes, so-called friends and even supervisors have joined in.

I believed I was overweight throughout high school, but when I look back at the photos, I realize I was just fine. During college, I found lifelong friends and didn’t think much about my weight, although I certainly gained some. With my degree in hand, I left everything familiar and took my first job at a daily newspaper in Texas. There were so many fast food options that they became my regular diet, and I put on 30 lbs. during my four years of Texas residency. I moved back to Iowa in 2006, and as soon as I saw photos from my five-year college reunion, I knew I had to do something.

I was working out on a regular basis, but my diet was still atrocious. I joined Weight Watchers and dropped 25 lbs. in three months. I was thrilled, but a tight budget forced me to quit. I really believed I could continue on my own, but in the 18 months since, I have re-gained every ounce I lost. I am back to square one.

The obvious answer here is that I want to lose weight.  But I think there's a lot more to it -- I also want to get healthier, which is both a biproduct of and contributor to weight loss. 

Naturally, I want to look better in my clothes and feel comfortable in my skin, but my motivation goes beyond that. Diabetes runs in my father’s side of the family, and during my senior year of college, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), a condition which can affect my menstrual cycle, fertility and heart. It’s possible my PCOS is a precursor to full-blown diabetes as insulin levels have been linked to the disease. Getting healthier and losing weight could eliminate this from my life.

I know what I need to be doing -- I've read enough books and watched enough seasons of "Biggest Loser."  I've even adopted a healthier lifestyle ... temporarily.  I can't stick with anything I've done. So I guess the real issue with myself I need to change is my persistence and drive to reach my goal(s). I need to find something that really motivates me and keeps motivating me, not just until I get to my goal weight, but for the rest of my life as I try to live healthier and better.

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