Friday, August 31, 2012

I think I've got heartbreak down

Not too long ago, a friend was going through a breakup.  It wasn't messy, but let's face it -- even the clean ones are tough.  As I was trying to help her through it, she told me, "You don't know what this is like. You've never had your heart broken."  I was a little confused.  And I probably expressed that in some way.  She continued, "You've never been in a serious relationship, so you have no idea what it feels like to have your heart broken."

I know she was emotional and hurt, but her statement really bothered me.  Does heartbreak only occur in romantic relationships?  Is it possible for anyone else to cause pain?  Because I'm pretty sure I've been hurt plenty of times. Let me give a few (or a lot of) examples.

I was hurt when a "friend" told other girls in the class a lie about me, and they believed it.  I ate lunch by myself for the next two months.

I was hurt when a boy I liked in high school told me to stop liking him because it was embarrassing and he would never like a "fat, ugly loser" like me. 

I was hurt when a reliable source told me my crush was going to ask me to his senior prom and he didn't. 

I was hurt when a "friend" made up a fake e-mail address and pretended to be a guy who was interested in me. She laughed when she revealed it to me, so proud of herself for being so convincing.

I was hurt when a guy friend I liked in college told me he was looking for perfect and I wasn't it.

I was hurt when I lost my first job.

I was hurt when my car and my apartment were burglarized within a year of each other.

I was hurt when friends made plans with me on my birthday and then stood me up.  They didn't show up.  They didn't even call.  And when I confronted them and told them I was upset, they didn't even care.

I was hurt when a friend I talked to daily passed away unexpectedly.  The week following her death is still a blur in my memory.

I was hurt when a friend told me she didn't invite me to go out with her because I wasn't "hot enough" to help her attract and pick up guys.

I was hurt when a trusted friend took things I'd told her in confidence and began using them to make fun of me in a public forum.

I was hurt when the Rangers were one strike away from a World Series title - twice - and failed.

I was hurt when a place I once felt safe to be myself turned on me, preying on my insecurities, faults and generally making me feel terrible.

I was hurt when someone showed me attention for weeks, making me believe it was headed somewhere good, only to shut it down the minute I expressed an interest in more.

I shed tears -- lots of them -- over all of these events.  
If what I felt in those moments wasn't heartbreak, I don't think I could survive the real thing.
I also think it's wrong to assume we know what pain someone else has felt. 


  1. I wasn't the person who said that to you, was I???

  2. This made me cry, because I have been there - with pretty much all of it! I can't count how many times I've been told I don't know what heartbreak is because I've never been in a serious relationship. Yet, all of the above have happened as well. You're not along, girl!

  3. Omg, I still ache for the Rangers. People may not understand that pain but any Rangers fan knows that heartbreak is real.
    I know about some of this and I don't know about some of but I will say this to you my friend, you are so much better than those who attack you. I don't understand the juvenile need to attack someone who has clearly moved on but let the the children play with themselves. They don't grow, they just stay stagnant.
    I learned to guard my heart so it doesn't break. It hurts a little now and again, but nobody gets to break it.

  4. Heartbreak comes in all forms. Some of my biggest heartbreaks involved female friends, not boyfriends.


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