To renew or not to renew ... that is the question

In August, on a day when my heart was shattered, I made a kneejerk decision to sign up for an online dating site.

Yeah, I know. It was probably the opposite of what most people would do. But I have no regrets.

Some might say I chose a bad time to sign on. But honestly, I think it was a good time. Because I was hurt and a little angry, I was super honest when I filled out my questionnaire and as a result, the site sent me some really good matches.  I'm a long-time veteran of online dating, but I was pleasantly surprised at what came up this time.


Don't get me wrong.  There were definitely some bad profiles/matches/messages.

I found guys in their 30s and 40s still using their senior photos.

If you don't have a current photo, I wonder what you're hiding.

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There were profiles riddled grammatical and spelling errors.

Or not. Sorry if that makes me shallow.

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I received messages from 19-year-olds and also a 59-year-old. 

Sob.

Fortunately, there was more good than bad.

Instantly, there were five guys with whom I wanted to correspond. This is way more than I'm used to finding, and the influx of messages was a nice ego boost.

Not true, but I thought this was funny.

Some of them were even out of my usual "type." I knew if this was going to work, I needed to broaden my horizons a little. And I'm really glad I did. I got to talk with some really interesting and amazing guys.

As the list kept growing, it was a little overwhelming.  I probably should have taken actual notes on each guy because I quickly forgot who I had talked to about what.  Of course, the list dwindled over time.  I went on a few dates and a few second dates.

I didn't find "the one," but I refuse to say online dating was a complete bust for me.  I met some great guys and learned a lot about myself and dating in the process.

That said, I don't know if I want to continue with it.  I'm just not sure now is the right time for me to be dating.

Let's do a con/pro list, shall we?

CONS
- There are so many things going on in my life right now. I'm not sure I have the energy for dating.

- On that note, I'm not sure the expense is justified at this time.

- My heart is a little distracted by two other guys right now. I know Guy A very well. We've been talking or months, and we've admitted that there is a very unique connection between us. But for several reasons, we also know nothing will ever come of it.  I've only recently met Guy B. I've been aware of him for about a year, but now he's aware of me too.  I want to know him better, but I'm not convinced the feeling is mutual. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's not or I would know by now. But I am having a hard time getting excited about anyone but these two guys right now. I'm ridiculous, I know.

PROS
-  The price of extending is discounted because of the promotion I got in on.  It would be cheaper to extend than to quit and join again later.

-  I still really feel like I have a good grip on what I want/deserve in a relationship.

-  Perhaps I need to make sure the two aforementioned pointless distractions don't make me close off to other opportunities.  That is so much easier said than done.


I have no idea what I'm going to do.  My subscription ends on Sunday, so I need to decide before then. I know I need to follow my instincts in all of this, but let me just say I really don't like what my instincts are telling me right now.  They're not being very kind.

Ugh.

Let me be clear. I don't mind being single, but I am also interested in finding someone with whom to share my awesome.  And I do believe I have a lot to share.  But dating is ridiculous. And hard.  And such a crapshoot. I'm very tempted to just forget it all, settle for my Plan B and call it a good life.