Tuesday, September 3, 2013

The trouble with knowing what you want

When I go shopping, I usually have something in mind that I'm looking for. Especially when it comes to clothes.  I fully admit I don't have a real defined style, but I usually go to a store with one item in mind. If I don't find it, I don't buy anything.  This is helpful for my wallet, but I'm sure there are several suitable alternatives that I'm dismissing because they aren't what I want. My frustration doesn't hit until later when I'm looking through my closet and can't find anything to wear.

I also have this approach to dating, it seems. I am not good at playing the field or testing the waters.  However you want to phrase it, I'm simply not capable of going out with several different guys in a short span of time.  I am a one-man woman it seems. When I decide I like a guy, I want him and no one else. This would be a good strategy if the guy wanted me back, but so far that has not been the case for me. A decent number of guys have asked me out in the last few years, but I dismissed them because they weren't "him" (whoever "him" happened to be at the moment).

Basically, the ones I want don't want me and I don't want the ones who want me.

Logically, I realize this is a terrible idea and that I'm probably missing out on some great guys just because my sights are set elsewhere.  I have gone out on dates, but I haven't found anyone to get excited about.

And I want that.  I don't believe in love at first sight, but I do believe there should be a degree of excitement to start a relationship.  I know butterflies are unrealistic (even if they're nice in theory), but I'd at least like to find someone I look forward to seeing and talking to.

Let me clarify that I am not desperate to be in a relationship.  I'm actually perfectly happy being single, but I'm not opposed to giving up my single life for someone who is worthy.

I just haven't found that in any of the guys I've gone out with lately.

Word, Steve Harvey, so why hasn't anyone impressed me yet? 

Maybe I just haven't been going out with the right guys.

Or maybe I haven't been going out with the right frame of mind.

I want to be open to these guys who aren't on my radar, but I keep getting stuck in my tunnel vision.

How do I change this?


  1. I don't really have advice on how to change your mentality, but don't give up on the butterflies. You should have butterflies! While love-at-first-sight isn't always realistic, giddiness and butterflies certainly are.

  2. I think you should go into it with an open mind. You're right - you may be missing out on some great guys. But at the same time, don't settle. I know that's kind of a double standard. Haha. But what I'm trying to say is, give the ones a chance that you haven't been. They may actually be the "him" that you're looking for! ;)

  3. Yes. Yes to all of this. I, like you, am content being single, and I've had guys ask me out or have gone on a few dates in the past year that have not excited me to the point of taking it further. I *want* to be excited about a relationship! Not that I'm dismissing every guy I talk to, but I would like to think that there's someone out there who can make me happy and feel like I'm worth something more. I haven't found that yet...or, well, I haven't found that *again*, since I think I did find it once many years ago. Whatever...men are idiots :-P

    Keep your mind open, though...you never know what could happen! But for me, if I don't wake up thinking "Did he text me?? Is he awake yet? I can't wait to talk to him!! I wonder if he's thinking of me, too..." then it's not worth pursuing anymore. I have to have that urge to be with him!


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