Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Some thoughts about 'that girl'

I often wonder what it's like to be "that girl."

You know who I'm talking about.

The girl who gets attention from men (and others too, but especially men) without trying.
The girl who can flirt and make it look effortless and sexy (instead of forced and awkward).
The girl who can break up with one guy and have a new one within weeks.
The girl who just doesn't seem to have to try at anything.

Now, I know this is probably all an illusion.  "That girl" probably has secret struggles that I know nothing about.  All I know is what I see ... and I see someone far different from the girl I've ever been or ever will be.

And these girls are everywhere. Some of them are among my friends.  Some of them are only acquaintances.  Some of them are just girls I see at work, in a restaurant, or out and about.  Regardless of where I see them, I am in awe.  I often find myself watching them, wondering what it must be like to be in their shoes.

What is it like to feel desired?
What is it like to feel completely confident in who you are?
What is it like not to have guys figuratively run from you at the first sign of interest?
What is it like to wonder when you'll find 'the one' instead of if?


I will never be "that girl."  I accepted that a long time ago. Even if I wanted to change, I couldn't.  I will go on being me.  I will go on being the kind of girl you have to get to know to appreciate.  I will go on being the girl who believes in true love but understands it doesn't happen for everyone.  I will go on.

Sorry for such a downer post today. I generally don't share thoughts like this, but they've been so persistent lately, I decided to get them out.  We'll be back to happier thoughts tomorrow, I promise.


  1. Eh, I'm definitely not that girl either. But you're right, she probably has her own issues. Be your own girl, and believe that true love exists still. That's the kind of girl I am, even if it feels utterly hopeless at times.

  2. I honestly don't know if that girl exists-- at least not one who feels completely confident. I've definitely been friends with girls who I've thought were "that girl," but as I got to know them, I realized they were even more insecure than I was-- they just put on a better show.

  3. Everyone has struggles. Everyone compares themselves to someone else. It's hard not to, but be happy with "that girl" that YOU are, I promise you that everyone has their own struggles even those you think don't.

  4. fake it til you make it. people think i'm a very outgoing person but that's only around people i know. when i'm in a group of people that i have never met, i become a lot more shy and quiet. I've developed sort of a character of myself that I play in order to get myself to be more outgoing. it's really weird to explain but I swear that's how I am. Kind of like Beyonce says she becomes "Sasha Fierce" when she's on stage. I don't think there's anything wrong with pretending to be who you want to be. It's only for a little whiel and then people have a greater chance of getting to know the real you.

  5. I feel ya. I'm stuck in a similar boat in that I'm working really hard to improve my "mingle" skills (because really, it's a learned skill that I think "that girl" probably picked up really easily and I did not. Kind of like I can do math and speed read, but a lot of others struggle) but I have really limited population to use them on, so I continually get frustrated when things don't go well because I can't really just jump back in and try again. Sigh.

  6. Oh Micah....I feel the same way you do. Yes, I know I have a boyfriend now, but I met him online. I have *never* been that girl who guys flock to in bars or at parties or anywhere for that matter, and that still makes me sad. And self conscious. Every time I would try to flirt with someone, it would put me into the 'friend zone' because I never wanted to put myself out there and get my feelings hurt. It sucked a lot.

    I don't know why I have a boyfriend now. But I do know what I did a little different that I think might have helped. In the past, I had certain standards that I held guys to--they had to 'look' right, they had to be Christian, they had to love sports, etc. Aaron is the same height as me and he's Jewish--usually I'd just ignore him right there. He does love baseball, however, which makes it great. But one of my blogging friends told me a while ago that it took her 3 dates to realize that she really liked her current boyfriend and for it to not feel that awkward anymore, and now they have been together for quite a while. So I took her advice to heart and didn't let the 'little things' get to me on the first date. I got to know him and the more I did, the more I liked him!! I'm not saying that's exactly why I'm in a relationship now, but it absolutely changed my thoughts of dating someone. I didn't necessarily feel the instant "spark" when we first met, but there's a spark now and I couldn't be happier about it--that never happened to me in the past, usually I would have let it go if I didn't feel a 'spark' right away. Her advice to 'just give it time' made all the difference!

    Now, I could be completely wrong and I reeeeally hope you don't take offense to this at all, but you seem to be similar to me when it comes to men. Do you get stuck in the 'friend zone' a lot? I did forever until a month ago. Seriously. And I am no expert, but changing my views on dating and sparks and chemistry and all that stuff really helped me, I think. Are you on any dating sites? They're not always the best, but I encourage you to stick with it and maybe look outside the box a little. Be brave and adventurous and do something spontaneous!! I e-mailed Aaron first--which I never do--with an e-mail that was 100% "me" and for the first time, it worked. You never know what could happen when you just push a little :)

    Also, don't ever apologize for putting your thoughts out there and being YOU!! We all struggle with things and we are totally allowed to share them with the world!! You're human, you have feelings, you shouldn't hold them back. We're here for ya :)

    Also, you're awesome :)


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