Wednesday, March 5, 2014

What I learned recently

Life is all about learning, right?  If you're not learning, you're not living. I could go on and on with those anecdotes, but ... you get the point.  So let's get to the meat of this post.

The other night, a date cancelled on me at the last minute.  Well, two or so hours ahead of time, but still ... cancelled.  And this is not the first time this person has had to cancel or postpone on me.  Not the first time in the last month.  And not even the first time in the last week.  Needless to say, I was disappointed, irritated, and all kinds of feelings that I'm assuming are typical of this kind of event.  (Although due to my lack of dating experience, I have no way of knowing for sure.)

I consulted with friends about my disappointment and got a variety of responses.  All of which made me think and evaluate my emotions.  Some said I shouldn't hold it against him or give up.  Others said I need to move on to other opportunities.

I am a firm believer in second chances.  And sometimes even third ones.  
I know dating is work and will never be seamless.
I know things come up, and sometimes cancelling is unavoidable. (In this case, it was work.)
All that said, I am struggling with how to respond to this bump in the road (because obviously I know it's not a real problem).  If I just forget the cancellation and go out with him next time he asks, will I be the nice, understanding girl?  Or a doormat?  If I go cold and silent, do I look like a bitch?  Am I giving up too easily?

As I as considering all of these responses, I realized one major thing about all of this ...

I am more afraid of looking foolish than I am of being alone.

And I don't know if that's something I need to fix or something I need to accept.


  1. Brutal. I am too much of a planner for flaky people. Drives me crazy. I would just play it out and see what happens. You can't look foolish if you never see that guy never wakes up and goes out on a date with you, right?

  2. I don't like being stood up either (your feelings are completely normal), but I do know that work causes a lot of people to have to cancel last minute (depending on what their job is). Hang in there! Text me if you need to talk! :)

  3. That's a tough one.

    I think if it was a legitimate reason that the date had to be cancelled at the last minute, being understanding and giving them another chance is probably a good idea. If it feels like you were put off, you don't owe them anything.

  4. Love the honesty in this post. And if I'm being honest, I have to say that I'm usually the one doing the cancelling when it comes to dates. I struggle with being able to go through with them sometimes. But you definitely have the right attitude!

  5. Hmm... I hate being cancelled on at the last minute. But at the same time, I've had to do it. Things DO come up that are unavoidable. So, I suppose it depends on why he had to cancel-- did his boss dump something on him at the last minute? Or did his buddy call with a better offer. I suppose it's impossible to know for sure. But if he's still calling after cancelling, then that's a good sign that it wasn't his decision. I say give him another chance. But at some point you're going to have to tell him to quit cancelling or you're done.


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