Thursday, April 2, 2015

On trust and weirdness

I stumbled upon this Buzzfeed article the other day -- 21 Ways You Know You're In Friend Love. OK, so I didn't just randomly find it. A friend shared it with another friend on Facebook.

Here are the "ways" they listed:

1. You text each other the smallest, most insignificant details about your life…
2. …yet you never run out of things to talk about.
3. You know everything about each other’s love life and get protective of them with whoever they’re dating.
4. You don’t have secrets when it comes to them.
5. And you’d do some questionable things for them.
6. You trust them with all your “best” selfies.
7. There’s no such thing as boundaries with them.
8. You’re not afraid to double, or triple, or quadruple text them.
9. And if they don’t text you back after the 17th text you start to think they’re dead.
10. If you fight, it’s short-lived and usually ends quickly because you miss talking to each other.
11. When you spend time apart, you FaceTime or call each other on the reg.
12. And when you finally do see them, you pick up right back where you left off.
13. They have complete veto power over anyone you date. If they don’t think they’re good enough for you — they’re probably not.
14. No one can make you laugh like they do.
15. They know just what to do when you’re in a funk and need help feeling better.
16. They aren’t afraid to call you out on your bullshit.
17. And you wouldn’t dare try to lie to them because you know each other way too well.
18. You obsess over the same things.
19. You can be your weird self around them.
20. Whenever someone hangs out with you two, they can’t help but feel like your third wheel (even if it’s one of your S.O.s).
21. Basically, you love each other unconditionally.

As I read through the list, I got a little sad.  I realized I really don't have anyone who fits all of these items.  And it's no one's fault but my own.  I have some awesome people in my life, but there's no one that I've let in completely.

You might say I have some trust issues when it comes to friends ... and people in general.  I haven't always been this way.  In fact, I used to be very trusting.  I would meet people, assume they were my friends if they showed the least bit of interest or kindness, and then let them in.  You see where this is going, right?  Yeah, I let a few of the wrong people in.  Some very wrong people.

People who used things I told them in confidence against me, mocking me to my face and also making fun of me to our mutual friends.

People who constantly liked to point out my flaws while claiming they were only being constructive.

People who told me my dreams and wants were stupid ... and then went after the same things themselves.  (And got them, of course.)

But it's not just about worrying that someone will hurt me.

I'm also worried about my likability.  I know I'm quirky with an odd sense of humor and a strange array of interests and hobbies.  I'm worried that I'm too weird for anyone.

This is likely why I have a hard time buying the idea of soulmates.  Heck, forget soulmates.  I don't really even believe there's somewhere out there for me.

I know Dr. Seuss has this quote ....

[pin]

... and I love it.  I really do.

I just have strong doubts that anyone's weirdness matches mine or that anyone will like my weirdness.  Of course, I'll never know if I don't let anyone see my weirdness, right?

I realize I'm kind of sabotaging myself in that way.  I'm working on fixing it, but it's not easy. Being vulnerable is scary.


6 comments:

  1. I've always been the same way. I've had the thought more than once about who the people are that I call when something big happens, and honestly, I don't always have that person- other than my mom, or my husband. They both understand my weirdness. It is SO HARD to let people in, to let them see that vulnerable side of you. And honestly, it isn't always worth it. But sometimes when you find that small tribe of people, it totally is. I hope that you'll find your tribe. Or hell, come be a part of mine :)

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  2. I love you just the way you are, my friend! <3

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  3. I think that everyone has someone out there for them - and I know it's scary to be vulnerable after you've already been hurt. I've been burned by a few people and now I have really limited who I consider friends. I'm terrified to overly open up to people because of what has been said, but at the same time I crave new friendships all the time. Thanks for sharing - you are not alone in these feelings!

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  4. Being vulnerable is not an easy task but I can assure you that letting your walls crumble is one of the most liberating experiences ever. I'm personally coming to terms with my sick addiction to please everyone else but myself and this includes being the person they all want me to be. This post resonated with me greatly because of this process. Something I truly believe is that "like attracts like", which in terms of this post means "like people attract like people." I think by just letting a little bit of your authentic self show each day you will find that you're able to attract people that like you for the person you are. Anyone that makes you feel inferior is not worth being in your life!

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  5. Being vulnerable is part of life. Good things happen on the other side of fear, I promise.

    It also helps if you can just let your freak flag fly and not really care if someone likes it or doesn't. As long as you like it, that's what is important. And the weird thing is that when you don't care if anyone likes what you do or say, more people seem to like it. It's like the opposite of the laws of attraction.

    I've never struggled with this stuff, so I don't know how you feel. But I really want you to embrace yourself fully, weird, normal, good, bad...life's too short not to. Love yourself!

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  6. I think it's very rare if you have just ONE person who covers all of these things as a friend. I don't have that, but I think I have a few different people I can identify for each of those points (or most of them). It's tough to trust others especially when you've been burnt so much before. But that doesn't mean that good people aren't out there waiting to find you!! :)

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