Thursday, August 27, 2015

Who should do the asking?



About a month ago, I conducted an informal poll on Twitter, Facebook, and even here on the blog.  I asked one question about dating -- should girls ask guys out?  Of course, I asked people to explain their answer.  I got some very interesting responses, and it sparked a pretty hot discussion over on Facebook.

Overwhelmingly, the consensus was yes, girls should feel free to ask guys out.  Here were some of the supporting statements:

Troy -- Yes because it's not the 19th century. Some of us are afraid of rejection too but that doesn't mean they aren't good men.
Joe -- Sure why not? Can't think of a reason not to other than outdated social norms that were misogynistic.

Sarah -- Hell yes. The way I see it, I wouldn't want to date a guy who was uncomfortable with me asking him out. That said, it's nice to be asked out, too.

Rena -- I think it's totally fine. I never would bc I'm a chicken, but I think it's cool when girls do.

Christina -- Of course! :) I probably asked out half the guys I dated and that was back in the '90s!

Nicole -- Yes. Always. Be in control of what you want!

Danielle -- Um yes. We vote, we run for office, we get degrees, we win awards, but God forbid we see if someone wants to go halfsies on some spindip. If I like a dude and I'm not sure if he likes me, I'll ask. I'm not an antique vase sitting on a shelf hoping that someone picks me over the other vases. I'm a woman with a voice and the ability to make decisions and ask another human if they want to split some gosh dang food with me (sidebar, I am HUNGRY). Any explanation over that is overthinking it.

Jamie -- I just asked a male coworker. He said, "guys are dumb, you shouldn't have to ask them out, but most of us are oblivious. If you're interested, go for it. It's flattering for us to have a woman approach, just as it's flattering for women when guys approach."

Paul -- Personally I find it flattering and refreshing when a girl asks me out. Guys are not dumb and guys are not oblivious. Dumb guys are dumb and oblivious guys are oblivious, but let's not generalize.

Mickell -- Hell yes! Why not?! If you want something or someone, get after it!!!! Also, as for the chase aspect. Girls like that just as much as guys. It's fun....I used to love the chase. Then when I got my guy, it was even better! This time he pursued me, which is also awesome.

Alicen -- They should! But, it may turn some men off who are used to the classic submissive woman. However, GOOD. 

Meghen -- Hell yes! I'm pretty sure All of my previous relationships (like all the way back to 5th grade, lol) were a result of ME asking THEM out. I should also add that I'm a huge fan of the shy/nerdy type. 

Bridget -- Do you, if you want to. Hell yes. If he doesn't like it then who cares you don't need that negativity in your life.

Cindy --  I think it's perfectly acceptable. If a guy thinks it's too forward, you may not want to waste your time anyway.

Kelly -- I think it's totally fine for a girl to ask a guy out. I have done it a few times and had more luck than with the random creeps that ask me out on online dating sights. At least I know I'm interested if I ask him. That said, it takes a woman with a healthy self esteem in case rejection...but the same thing can be said for men, I suppose.


Some even shared their personal stories:

Megan -- I wish it happened more often. I definitely hit on my now husband, and he totally shut me down because he didn't realize what I was doing. It wasn't until almost a year later that he finally made the move, and I called him out for it.

Kristin -- I didn't exactly ask my husband out, but I kind of forced him to ask me out through persistency. It worked out okay.

Rich -- I was so painfully shy in my teen years, I would never have had a date if not for girls asking me.  

Susie -- I hit on my husband 14 years ago at a bar. I was 31 and he was 25. I was a cougar before cougars were a thing! 

One person wasn't opposed to it though she preferred not to be in the driver's seat:

Terri -- I've asked guys out before. Yet, I am typically "old fashioned" and I prefer if the guys makes the first move.

There was really only one person who was adamant that girls should not ask guys out:

Lacy -- No. Why? Men have to have the chase. And I know exactly how much BS that sounds like, because I didn't believe it for about 7 years in my early- mid 20's and asked guys out left and right. The result? I was labeled "aggressive," and even worse, "crazy" for pursuing someone I was interested in. These days, I don't ask guys out AT ALL. To be fair, I have about the exact same track record as I did when I was asking out anything with a penis. But now, at least my dignity is (sort of) intact. It might be a cliche, but it really is true-- if he's interested, he'll ask. If he's too scared or if he EXPECTS you to make a move, that is not someone you want to be in a relationship with anyway.

I'm not sure I agree with Lacy's reasoning, but I'm not going to discount her opinion just because I disagree or because it was the lone dissenting voice. If her experience with doing the asking has been overwhelmingly negative (and it sounds like it has), I can completely understand why she would be opposed to it. 

Ultimately, I think girls asking guys out is perfectly fine.  It takes the wondering out of the equation if you're interested. There are many times in my past I wish I'd done this so I would have known not to waste so much of my time.  Besides, any guy who is bothered by me making the first move is not someone I would want to be with.  

This informal poll was mostly hypothetical although I do plan to put the results into practice.  Or maybe I have already. *smile*  I mean ... why wait?  If I like someone, why should I wait for him to come to me?

What are your thoughts on the subject?

 

3 comments:

  1. I like this post a lot. I'm too much of a chicken shit, and as a result have never really asked a guy out. He's always done the asking. But the option should be there. It shouldn't even need to be something we talk about, you know? This day and age, it can come from both sides just as anything else! And I love that you were able to find so many opinions supporting that. Just goes to show we're not living in the olden days ;) Also - if you've done it, you go girl! You have more courage than I do!!!

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  2. I think it's fine for girls to do the asking, but I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to do it anymore after getting turned down more times than my fragile ego could take.

    And honestly, I'm glad I didn't do the asking when Chris came around. He's shy and VERY slow to make any sort of move, so the fact that he had to do the asking proved to me that he actually WANTED to go out with me and wasn't just being nice.

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  3. I think it's fine too! Maybe not ideal for some girls, but I don't think it hurts for a girl to be the one to show interest and let a guy know she want to pursue him - goes both ways. I think that if he doesn't show interest back then you have to bow you too.

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