If I had five hundred million dollars ...

You just sang that title to the tune of the Barenaked Ladies song, "If I Had a Million Dollars," didn't you? 

If so, yay ... that's the way I intended it to be.  

If not, you fail - go back and read it again.
It kind of works.
Almost.

Anyway ...

Everyone is talking about the Mega Millions jackpot, 

which (at the time of this writing) is currently worth 

$540 million.

That's a lot of cash!

I imagine it looks something like this ....

... but bigger!

You better believe I bought a ticket.  

Or maybe a few.

 I could use a half a billion dollars.

The odds of winning the jackpot are about one in 176 million.   

So .... you're telling me there's a chance?

If you take a lump sum payment, you get $389 million. Or about $237 million after taxes.

If you take annual payments, you get $19.2 million a year for 26 years. 

Call me crazy, but I'd opt for the lump sum.

Yep.  I want it all right now.

It's fun to think about what I'd do with all that money.  

The first thing I'd do is hire a lawyer. (Jennie, get ready.)

Second, I'd quickly deactivate my facebook and get a new phone number.

Third, I'd call my parents and tell them they can quit their jobs.

Fourth, I'd tell my brother and closest friends to get ready for a big payday. 

Yep, I'm sharing.  What's a few thousand (or million) to a friend or twenty.  

They can do whatever they want with the money.

What would I do with the money left?

Pay off my house.

Chump change from this jackpot.

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 And my student loans.

Such a small amount left to pay, so this wouldn't take much.

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I'd make a gift to my alma mater.

The Micah [last name] Communication Center sounds nice.

But we can work on that.

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I'd have a big concert festival with all of my favorite artists.
And a limited guest list.
Sorry I'm not sorry.

 There definitely won't be that many people there.
And no port-a-potties.
But you get the idea.

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I'd travel more. 

Anywhere I need a passport, since I've never been out of the country.
Who's going with me?

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I'd buy season tickets to the Texas Rangers.  

For the games I can't go to, I'll give the tickets to the Fabulous Rangers Ladies. 

That might be a lot of games because I won't be quitting my job.  

At least not yet.  

I probably would take some time off for that traveling and to finish my novel.

But I would definitely still work.

Yep, I'm weird like that.

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 Besides, I'll be busy visiting all the Major League ballparks in North America.

Again, who's going with me?

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And going on dates with Jake Gyllenhaal, Zach Gilford and Zac Efron.

 Zach didn't dress up.  That's OK.
 P.S. I totally don't have a type, do I? 

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Finally, I'd find a good financial advisor and 

invest the remaining money for future needs -- wedding, kids' college, etc.

Ahhh ....

What a fun fantasy on a Friday ....

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Did you buy a ticket?

Would you take the lump sum or the payments?

How would you use the money?