Thursday, September 26, 2013

A diatribe about dating & a link-up announcement

As you might know, I've been back in the online dating world for about a year now.  I've tried a multitude of sites, and I can tell you that in my opinion none of them are necessarily better than the others.  They all have basically the same selection of people.  The only difference is price and a few of the communication features.

I've had a decent number of responses, although not all of the responses have been decent.  I don't think I expect a lot out of guys when it comes to online communication.

Here are some basic things that will earn a response:

1.  Indicate in some way that you even read my profile.  If your message sounds generic, I'm going to assume you just copied and pasted.

2.  Say more than, "hey, what's up?" (or any misspelled version of the phrase).  Seriously.  Tell me why you messaged me.

3.  Have a photo on your profile.  If you don't have one, I assume you're hiding something.

4.  Use proper English and grammar in your message and profile.  You don't have to be Hemingway or anything, but please put a few sentences together that make sense.

5.  Avoid any negativity or judgement in your profile.  I really wish I could flag guys who write about their exes or say what they don't want rather than what they do want.  Keep it upbeat, fellas!

Obviously, some people have no problems with these.  In the last year, I have gone out with six different guys.  That might be amateur to a lot of people, but that's a lot for me. Full disclosure -- that nearly doubles my actual dating experience.

Only one guy got three dates ... until he asked me how long I thought my cats would live.  (OK, that wasn't the only strike against him, but it was definitely a strong one.)  The rest of the guys though?  Only one date.  In most cases, I wasn't interested in seeing them again.  In some cases, the feeling seems to have been mutual.  And that's fine.

I think you can tell a lot on a first date.  I don't believe in love at first sight or instant chemistry, but I do think I can usually tell pretty quickly whether I want to see the guy again or not.

Here are a few of my first date success factors:

1.  A clean, well-kept appearance is a great start. If he looks like he just rolled out of bed or hasn't showered in days, I'm going to be texting friends for a quick exit.

2.  Conversation should flow pretty easily. Awkward silences are not out of the ordinary, but they shouldn't be too lengthy.

3.  He can tease me about my love of reality shows, my insane baseball fandom, or even the fact that I'm a Cyclone.  But if the teasing borders on judgement or insults, I will shut down quickly.

4.  If I cringe at the thought of him even touching my hand, there won't be a second date. This has happened a few times.  Perfectly nice guys.  I just didn't want them anywhere near me.

I don't think those expectations are unrealistic.

And if they are, well, then I'm just going to be single forever.

And if that happens, it's fine too.

I'd rather be single than settle.

+++++

Speaking of being single, I'm teaming up with Ricci and Jenn for a fabulous reading link-up.  

In the next few weeks, we're going to read this book:

source

On Oct. 30, we will post our thoughts and reflections and share them through a link-up.
Stay tuned for more details as it gets closer.

What do you think?  
Are you in?


2 comments:

  1. Your expectations are very realistic! They're pretty much what I expect too. I opened a few online accounts before but just couldn't find anyone that interested me enough for me to even go on a first date so I'd say your 6 dates are a success indeed.

    Have started on that book, will definitely link up on the 30th!

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  2. I love that you said "I'd rather be single than settle" that's so true, girl. Don't ever settle, you deserve the best!

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